Overcrowding In UK Prison Makes Audition For This Year’s Nativity Play More Competitive Than Ever

The government has formally triggered crisis measures to ease overcrowding in UK correctional facilities, and with HMP Wandsworth at 157% capacity, this year’s auditions for the prison nativity play are expected to be more competitive than ever. “Obviously, everyone would kill to be Joseph or Maria,” said Dan Millbrook, a convicted murderer, “but I’d honestly be over the moon with one of the three wise men.”

Prisons nationwide have resorted to early releases, trial postponements, and even utilizing police cells to cope with the strain on correctional services. Former Wandsworth governor Katie Price noted that, “This year’s production of The Sound Of Music was phenomenal, because prisoners have to work extra hard to stand out from the inmate next to them. It’s about delving into emotional depths that others shy away from. That’s acting.”

At press time, violence broke out backstage over which gang should be allowed to play the herder’s flock of little sheep.