Poll Suggests Starmer No Longer Welcome At Popular Girls’ Table

LONDON, UK — In a devastating blow to Prime Minister Starmer's social standing, the polling firm Ipsos conducted an opinion survey during lunch today, with results suggesting that the PM is no longer welcome at the popular girls' table. "Ew, barf! He's like lame, like so not fetch," commented Gretchen Weiner, a verified it-girl and vocal critic of Starmer's weak stance on trans-rights, Gaza, and his conservative fiscal policy.

The rejection came to a head last Tuesday when Starmer was reportedly seen hovering near the group’s table in the cafeteria, only to be ignored. “It was brutal,” said an onlooker. “He just stood there holding his tray, waiting for eye contact, but they all started talking about a group holiday and progressive tax reform plans without him.”

At press time, Starmer was seen sitting alone, as the popular girls laughed at pictures from a party he wasn't invited to.