Prime Minister Sure He Won’t Regret New Tattoo

LONDON, UK — Tattoos are forever, so Prime Minister Starmer got inked upped with a tramp stamp he's sure will age well: 'I ❤️ Israel'. "I wanted something with personal meaning that I'll never regret," he told reporters. "Something that says: 'I'm fun, but I also support Israel's right to do whatever they want no matter what'."

The PM says he hopes this will boost his appeal amongst young people who lack empathy. "I don't want the youth to see me as some old fuddy-duddy! I'm spontaneous, I'm free-spirited, and I condone Israel's invasion of Lebanon."

At press time, the PM considered getting a nipple piercing to commemorate the October 7th attacks.