Secret Service Ear Prepared To Take Another Bullet For Trump

WEST PALM BEACH, USA — In a rare and emotional statement, former President Donald J. Trump’s Secret Service ear has bravely announced that it remains fully prepared to take a bullet for Trump, following yet another assassination attempt earlier this week. "That's what I signed up for," the ear said, "and I will protect the President with my life if needs be."

Trump immediately responded to the statement on Truth Social: "My ear is a true PATRIOT!! 🇺🇸 #AmericanHero #PatriotEar"

This was followed shortly after by a press statement to thank his ear for its service. "The ear, folks, what a hero. Not just any ear — the best ear, by the way. Strong, always listening, people are saying it’s the greatest ear. They don’t make ears like this anymore, trust me. Incredible!"

At press time, other parts of the former President's body — including his hair — declined to comment on whether they're equally as committed to Trump's well-being.