Sir Keir Starmer Pleased By Loyal Vassal's Tributary Freebie

LONDON, UK — Sir Kier Starmer, Ruler of Britain, Lawmaker, and Defender of the Realm, was pleased as his loyal vassals presented their tributary freebies in Westminster this week. "My bannermen respect the ancient custom of tribute," he reported. "A Great Ruler is owed many great things: clothes for my wife, Arsenal tickets, and going to see Taylor Swift live I'm so excited thank you so much guys."

The ceremony has come under scrutiny, as some claim an Overlord should remain impartial. "Loyalty is the lifeblood of governance," said Sir Starmer, "but the suggestion that I would grant preferential treatment in exchange for these humble gifts is simply laughable... the gifts merely helps to distinguish my worthy friends from my sworn enemies."

In particular, some have questioned the Prime Minister knight's indebtedness to Lord Alli, who has gifted over £26,000 worth of goods since 2023. "Lord Alli has offered me these splendid treasures, but I assure you I would never treat him any better or worse than anyone else who's given me £26,000."

At press time, the Prime Minister hinted that he wanted a gaming computer for his birthday.