Stars Align: Woman With No Self-Esteem Finds Man With Zero Self-Awareness

Fate, destiny, cupid’s arrow — whatever you want to call it —  has led local woman Jenna Hayes, known among friends for her low self-esteem, into the arms of cosmic counterpart Steve Johnson, whose self-awareness registers at absolute zero on the emotional Richter scale. “They’re like a match made in heaven,” said a close friend of Hayes, “he never considers what would make her happy, and she would never confront him about it.”

The couple hope to inspire those who haven’t found their soulmates yet. One of Hayes’ recent Instagram captions read,“Never give up hope of finding someone who treats you the way you think you deserve to be treated,” accompanied by a photo of her and Steve with his fish-eyed stare that looks straight through her.

At press time, the thought of getting married and having innocent children made the couple glow, like a neglected nuclear reactor.