Toilet Seat Still Warm From The Previous Prime Minister

LONDON, UK — No one likes feeling the body heat of their predecessor radiating from the toilet seat. "It's steaming like hot plutonium," said Keir Starmer about the heat left behind on the 10 Downing Street toilet seat by Rishi Sunak's boiling ass, the former Prime Minister greatest legacy, "how is this even possible, it's been days since he left?!"

It took hours after Starmer's first day in office just for the seat to cool down to a sit-able temperature. "It's still uncomfortable to sit on, as if I'm sitting down right onto his ass, but on my first day... it was totally inhospitable, like the surface of the sun. We had to keep the door closed to keep the heat from flooding the office."

At press time, all toilet paper within a 5km radius of 10 Downing Street had been pillaged by Sunak's cabinet by the time Keir Starmer came into office.