Tory Defeat Is A Major Disappointment For Babies Who Looked Forward To Mandatory Service

MANCHESTER, UK — The recent Tory election defeat has devastated all the nation's babies that were looking forward to doing their mandatory service. "I could feel my little Brian kick and get excited whenever Rishi Sunak mentioned cultivating a culture of service in the UK," said one local pregnant woman, "and no one in this family supported Sunak's decision to enlist children in public service more than my unborn foetus."

Critics have claimed that children — far from owing a debt to the government — have been failed by the current government and by older generations who have overseen the eroding of public services and the degradation of the planet. Some babies have hit back, claiming that many youths would take pride in serving their country, saying that, "Goooga aguuoogee gahhagggababa". Clearly anyone older than the second trimester can understand the value of cultivating civic virtue.

At press time, Ben Wallace, Secretary of State for Defence, confirmed that babies would look adorable in little military uniforms.